A reflective day

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I am thankful to God for seeing me through my third day at work. I have a lot to be thankful for.

This morning, I was rather happy to wake up and go to work though I was very tired. I was up very early and somehow could not sleep anymore. So I work on the Mandarin Bulletin that I was helping my church to do for the elderly people that came to my church's evening services.

On my way to work, I prayed for God's grace and strength. I did feel quite stressed regarding my work last 2 days due to the nature of the job as well as the targets to meet daily. I realized that I made quite a number of mistakes while rushing to complete as much work as possible. My 3 younger colleagues are very helpful and kind. But I did feel kind of intimidated by their speed of work while I felt I was so slow compared to them. As we all work in a team, my slowness will be evident and it may in someways affect my colleagues' work.

As I reflected on this, it suddenly down upon me that in my rush to complete as much work as possible, though I have done my best and tried to be as careful as possible, my focus has been more on completing as much work as possible and not on the accuracy of the work. The result of that is detrimental. The accuracy of my job is highly important. I realized that I have got my priority or focus wrong. I did fear that if I didn't do fast enough, I might not be good enough for the job and they might not keep me. But now on hind sight, I realized that as accuracy is more important than speed, the more mistakes I made the higher chances of them not keeping me.

I felt rather down when I thought of this. I felt grieved by my own sins and failures. I think I will most likely get a bad report and they might not want to keep me for long. I also felt bad because my church friend helped me to get the job and I feared I have let her down. I prayed to God to forgive me of my sins. Though the job is important to me and earning money is important, to honour God is more important. I prayed that God may enable me to set my focus right in my job and do a proper job rather than trying to prove that I can do the job or accomplish their targets daily. I felt that I should apologize to my superiors for my wrong working attitudes which might have affected the accuracy of my assignments and indirectly the whole project.I felt prepared to be ask to leave and know that God will somehow take care of me and continue to provide for me.

I thank God for His faithfulness that He did not allow me to be tested above what I could bear. When I shared my fear that I have made many mistakes the past 2 days, my superiors encouraged me that they will check through the codings eventually and they will rectify any errors. They also assured me that my assignments was the hardest among all the assignments of my other colleagues and they think I am very careful at my tasks. Today, 2 of my colleagues also helped to take on part of my assignments. So as I concentrate to do as accurate as possible, somehow my workload did not increase as my colleagues shared my workload! Thank God!

At the end of the day, God has another surprise in store for me. When I was leaving, my superior asked whether I have registered with one of their departments and inform them that I am available for other part-time assignment when this one ends on 22 Feb 2008. I said I didn't. My superior said she can bring me to register! God willing, she will do so tomorrow. Praise God again for His mercies and faithfulness!

My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

4 Kind thoughts:

Anne said...

I think maybe you are too hard on yourself and you should "let go, and let God."

Also the fact that your superior suggested you to register in their company for more work says that you are well liked and they would like to see you hang around.

As you know, I worked in health care for 30 years and before I would start work EVERYDAY, I would add to the end of my prayer, "Please God don't let me hurt anyone."

Maybe adding something to your prayers before you start work will instill more confidence in yourself.

I pray that God guides your hand in all tasks.
Anne

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Nanci,
Congratulations on your success! That must make you feel good!

Susan

My Life with Bipolar Disorder said...

Thanks, Anne, for your encouragement. You are right that I tend to be quite hard on myself. I am some kind of perfectionist. I must learn to lower my expectations of myself otherwise I will get very stressed and upset with myself. And that will not help with my work.

Thanks too for reminding me to commit my work unto the Lord in prayers. I need to learn that! Sometimes I forget or take things for granted. Thank God for His mercies and goodness despite my weaknesses. May God be with you to bless and guide you too. Take care.

Regards,
Nancie

My Life with Bipolar Disorder said...

Thanks, Susan, for your kind encouragements. I am thankful to God for His goodness. I am humbled by it too as I consider my forgetfulness of Him and His long-suffering towards me. Glad you are bouncing back. Take good care.

Regards,
Nancie

 

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