The stiller of my soul

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This afternoon, I felt very tired and rather stressed by certain things that have happened, and I felt rather down subsequently. I just couldn't seemed to think clearly and have to go to rest and just stopped whatever I was doing. I poured out my heart to God in prayers, telling Him how tired and afraid I felt. I know He cares for me and all things are under His control.

Sometimes the future seemed so uncertain. Others seemed to think that I am thinking too much of bipolar that maybe it will help if I just don't think about it and do something else. But how can they understand that bipolar is a part of me and to some extend my strong enemy. Unless I understand bipolar and how it is affecting me, I will be overcome and I will feel very helpless again.

I am still learning to manage my condition. I do still have much trouble learning to manage my body and mind. Whenever I am better, I am usually a little manic. Recently, I have been having more energy and doing more things. I am thankful to God that I can serve Him in small ways and these bring great joy to me to know that I can still serve our Lord and be useful despite my condition.

But I do still have much problem coping with stress and strain. As my body and mind doesn't quite synchronize, by the time I am conscious of it, my body and mind becomes too tired. I seemed to be experiencing the effect of it now. I have tried hard to slow down but still feel very very tired daily. I do get stressed up rather easily now. I fear these are symptoms that my condition is worsening. I pray that God may enable me to rest in Him daily and seek His grace to cope, and not in my own strength.

How I love to go to the beach and watch the seas and the waves. Somehow they have such a calming effect on me. I am reminded always that God Who creates the heaven and the earth, the sea and the waves, is caring for me daily. No matter what storms I may experience in this life, He is with me and His grace is sufficient for me. He Who still the storms for His disciples, can calm any storms in my life. How I look to Him Who loved me and gave His life for me!

Augustine said in his famous Confessions, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee, O Lord." Truly, it is in God that I found rest for my soul.



I took this photo and video of the waves at t East Coast Beach, Singapore.


9 Kind thoughts:

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

Hang in there Nancie. I will be hugging you in my heart and hanging in there with you.

Jenalexa said...

Don't forget that God is bigger than all the stresses and strains that you are fighting. He can take them from you. Imagine throwing them into those waves and allowing them to be swept away by his strong current and then accept his wave of love splash up onto your feet on the sand. Know that you can do all things through Him who strengthens you and gives you peace. In your spare time, read Lamentations 3:22-23. It's the verse I hold onto every day. xoxo

my life with bipolar disorder said...

Thanks, Michelle :) Your hugs bring me much warmth from the Lord.

Thanks, Jena. It is really a mercy that God is bigger than anything in our life! And Lamentations 3:22-23 is very encouraging. Learning slowly to throw my stress and strains into the waves :)

Jim said...

Stay strong, for me being stressful can trigger exacerbations in relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS). For me, I can handle stress and I love the challenges of stress. Without some stress to get me to focus on a problem we might do almost nothing and I do perform best while under stress. Stress can’t be avoided. The challenge is for me to keep learning how to reduce the level of stress by using it to work for me, not against, me.

Remember what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:10 "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ?

Weaknesses: (From Strong's Greek #769) of strength, weakness, infirmity, of the body, its native weakness and frailty, feebleness of health or sickness, of the soul , want of strength and capacity requisite 1b, to understand a thing 1b, to do things great and glorious 1b, to restrain corrupt desires 1b, to bear trials and troubles

Insults: (From Strong's Greek #5196) insolence impudence, pride, haughtiness, a wrong springing from insolence, an injury, affront, insult, mental injury and wantonness of its infliction being prominent, injury inflicted by the violence of a tempest

Hardships: (From Strong's Greek #318) necessity, imposed either by the circumstances, or by law of duty regarding to one's advantage, custom, argument, calamity, distress, straits

Persecutions: (From Strong's Greek #1375) persecution

Difficulties: (From Strong's Greek #4730) narrowness of place, a narrow place, metaph. dire calamity, extreme affliction.

If you look at verse 9 leading up to verse 10, God told Paul "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

God's grace can keep you and me strong no matter what.

Jim

my life with bipolar disorder said...

Thanks, Jim, for your sharing and encouragements.

You are right, without some stress to get us to focus on a problem we might do almost nothing. Personally, I hate stress. I can't seem to cope well with it. But you are right again that stress can't be avoided. I like what you said "The challenge is for me to keep learning how to reduce the level of stress by using it to work for me, not against, me." I think the more I fear stress and dread it, and not learn how to manage it, the more I will be overwhelmed by it. How good to be able to use it to work for us and not against us! Thank you for sharing this. It helps me to look at stress from a different perspective and to look to God for grace to learn to cope better.

And thank you very much for sharing on 2 Corinthians 12 verse 10 and 9. What an encouragement! How true it is that when we are weak, the grace of God and His power will be most manifested, known and experienced. God's grace is sufficient for us at all times. I need to keep on learning not to look at the storms in life, but to cast them upon our Lord and look to His grace that can strengthen us and see us through.

Thank you once again for your sharing. The Lord is using them to strengthen my heart as I prepare to face many challenges in the coming 2 weeks, looking unto Him for strength and grace! Praise Him.

Take care, Jim. Thanks for dropping by. I enjoyed reading your blogs and your comments on others blog because your heart is always directed to our Lord Jesus Christ. It is encouraging to see you and others trusting in the Lord despite your afflictions and struggles with physical infirmities. May God bless you richly with spiritual blessings, and strengthen your inner man though the outward man may perish! God bless.

With appreciation,
Nancie

Paula Joy said...

I, myself, sometimes wonder if I concentrate too much on 'being bipolar' and wonder if I should just try to ingnore it, take my meds, and be on my merry way. People who are not bipolar, don't understand that it's a part of everything we do and there is no way to ignore it. I think the more we learn about it, the more support we get, and more help we give others by what we learn, is the best thing we can do for ourselves.
I love how God meets each of us where we are. You see God on the beach... I see God in every sunset from my big picture window in my living room. That's when I'm reminded again just how much God loves me.

my life with bipolar disorder said...

Thanks, Paula. I agree that the more we understand and learn to cope with our bipolar with various helps and supports, and strive to help others, we can live a more stable and useful life.

Thank God indeed that He ministers to us in His wonderful ways daily, and meets our particular needs. Thank God for His love for us. How that knowledge alone can strengthen us as we press on in this pilgrim journey, with that blessed hope of entering our eternal rest one day and enjoy His love for ever more!

lisa marie said...

Beautiful beach! I love that you write so honestly. We're here. :) XO

my life with bipolar disorder said...

Thank you, Lisa. I thank God for you and so many others who encourages me just by being here. Although we are separated by mountains and seas, and may never meet on this earth, what a mercy that we can comfort and support one another. These are tokens of God's love for me and it strengthens my heart. Thank you!

 

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